Mitch Hedberg is seriously funny shit. He’s known for his abrupt transitions, rhythmic one-liners, rose-colored glasses, and witty observations about mundane things. I enjoy him because he was the unofficial food lover’s comedian. The man loved eating, and had a comic brain to reflect on the inconveniences of being stoned and trying to procure food.

Oh Big E, you overwhelming state fair/expo/carnival, do you have anything fried I can eat? Why sure dahlin’, we got fried dough, fried pickles, fried mushrooms, fried cahliflawa, fried awreos, fried puhtaytus, fried cawn dawgs, fried mahs bahs, fried clayams, fried shrimp. Awwww yeah. Get a look at that fried dough. That dough is sexy, with it’s air pockets, greasy sheen, and that oooy chewy center. The first couple bites of that doughy goodness definitely makes living in sin feel worth it.

For any unfortunates who are unfamiliar with the Big E in West Springfield, Mass, it honors the New England states of Connecticut, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island (oh, you thought New York was part of New England?). The expo boasts food (mostly fried), product exhibitions, animal competitions, state houses, and a carnival, and is also the 8th largest fair in the country. It’s a syrupy concentrate of Americana, straight out of the coffee table books, but east coast style.

My highlights would be: my first bite of fried dough, my first in person glimpse at a horse cock, experiencing a rural interpretation of what “international” means, looking at all the show sheep get gussied up, and the life-sized butter cow in a glass case donated by Cabot which even sports a life-sized artist to be observed “live.” And of course walking through each “state house” where we sampled New Hampshire apple pie and maple candy, Mass staties (oooh, whoops…), Vermont cheddar and flatbreads, Maine blueberry crumble, and Rhode Island crab cakes.

Those who can find the perfect bite each time they bring a forkful to their mouth have a rare talent. Most of us shovel in our food, eat without looking, or prefer to eat the best part first or save it for last. Then there are those that eat clockwise, or only one thing at a time. What is that about? Any cook wants you to have the perfect balance of flavors in a good-sized mouthful every time.

I love to look at my food when I eat, and sometimes I focus so hard I miss conversations around me, forget to read subtitles during my dinner movie, or neglect to hear the waitress trying to get my attention for the second time. But the perfect bite usually only happens once a meal.

Baked eggs are an essential peak to conquer on the 100-ways-egg chef’s hat. These little buggers are easy to make and totally versatile. Besides being a hearty breakfast, they can be made lighter or heavier (take or leave cream, greens, breakfast meats, and cheese), and can be dressed up for dinner. But best of all, they have the essential food groups to cure a hangover: carbs, lipids, and some vitamin C thrown in for good measure. This particular baked eggs recipe cured the effects of a Maker’s Mark bender.

The McDonald’s Talk Live Journal, which has been around since 2004, is as funny as I expected it to be, but unfortunately not as funny as I wanted it to be. It does, however, give lovely little tidbits like awful customers, the woes of being a teenager in one of the state’s bottom 5, laziness divulged, and frustrations over ordering syntax.

I have the 10th Anniversary edition of this horrible cookbook called The New INTER COURSES. The book is broken down into the aphrodisiacs of the world like chocolate, chilies, and asparagus, and then suggests recipes based on these foods. How anyone could possibly drink a whole cup of syrupy, Mexican hot chocolate and then want to have sex is beyond me. Unless your idea of sex is lying still and digesting.

I cannot deny that when I put real, dark chocolate in my mouth I am almost instantly aroused. Even thinking about putting chocolate in my mouth right now makes me want to have sex. But I would be basically comatose after partaking in a meal consisting of Come-to-Jamaica Wings followed by Pasta with Asparagus, Chicken, and Gorgonzola, and finished with a nice thick slice of Black Russian Cake.