What is it about New Yorkers having beer and cupcakes for people’s birthdays? Don’t get me wrong, I jump at the chance of bringing sweets to a bar. I relish having inebriated and starving vixens approach me, demanding, “Who are you? Give me a cupcake.” There’s no pause before they snatch one up and lick that cupcake a new one. Unfortunately, they don’t make it past the icing, and instead wander the bar looking for a “friend” to “eat [their] cakey part.” But the cake just winds up in a dark little corner, looking like a mouse nibbled on it for a bit and gave up. That rush of sugar must catalyze some kind of positive reaction for the already overworked liver, but this would happen with any lickable sweet. Why cupcakes, New Yorkers?

Last night Matt and I decided to have a private, blindfolded cupcake competition to see what all the fuss was about. For cupcakes: Magnolia’s and Billy’s. For alcohol, the venerable Brooklyn Lager (we buy local, ahem).

It’s worth explaining why I chose cupcakes from Magnolia and Billy’s. You see, I live in the West Village, and there’s a dream I have once in awhile…

I’m standing across the street from Magnolia, and the line is, as usual, halfway around the block. There are a handful of locals, American tourists, and some Grade B celebrities. I’m holding a dozen Billy’s cupcakes. Can you see where this is going? I pick up a white on white, lick a little of the frosting, then hurl it at the unsuspecting people waiting in line. This happens repeatedly. I’m a dead ringer every time. Finally I walk over with the last one, a brown on white, and hand it to the first person in line along with a Billy’s business card…

I doubt the folks at Billy’s would endorse such advertising, but it’s fair to say the reputation Magnolia has gained irks me. I abhor celebrity-endorsed establishments, touristy-trendy, long lines on otherwise narrow sidewalks, and fat people that eat cupcakes. Have I offended everyone yet? (The crowds are so obnoxious they actually have to check the number of cupcakes in your box after you tell them). I do, however, believe in fairness. I don’t know if Billy’s cupcakes are better (their peanut butter butterscotch cookies and ice box cakes are to die for), so we decided to take the cupcake version of the “Pepsi Challenge.” Matt, being the less partial between the two of us, graciously offered himself up as blindfold subject.

I don’t think we can publish our findings to any scientific journals, but the results were indeed interesting. We wound up opposed but with the same exact reasons. We bought a yellow cake cupcakes with vanilla buttercream from each establishment. The Billy’s was pink, the Magnolia blue. With Matt’s blindfold on, I sat the Magnolia to his left to taste first.

Matt liked his first tasting better, citing it as being more fluffy, buttery, and a good pairing of frosting on cake. He said the second cupcake was dry, tasted a little metallic from the coloring, and the frosting on cake was eh. When he took off the blindfold, things got interesting. I asked him to taste them again. This time he definitively said the second cupcake was much better. His third taste he still said the second cupcake. Why?

After discussing, Matt admitted he’d taken a whiff of the cupcakes before he was blindfolded and noticed the pink one had a sweet cakey smell, while the blue one didn’t have any. When he was blindfolded, he thought he was eating the pink one first, and therefore convinced himself of his expectations.

Conclusions to be drawn from this experiment
Never underestimate the influence smell and perception have over taste. After a proper sample size was taken (i.e. multiple bites) we reached the same conclusion: Billy’s was better.

However, the question remains unanswered: why cupcakes? They’re simple, iconic, and can be mass produced. They’re ironic in a stupidly hipster way, and tickled sweet by icing and then injected again with sugar. They’re also playful with their sprinkles and pastel colors. How could such a cute little thing hurt anyone? And we remember eating them… Or maybe we just remember seeing a long line outside Magnolia Bakery and hearing that Alec Baldwin or Nicole Kidman frequents the place.

Cupcakes are great and all, but we still prefer a warm, Oatmeal Raisin Cookie or chunk of dark chocolate any day.